Jackie Wells-Fauth
Now, for those of you who have never suffered with insomnia—the inability to sleep—this particular entry in my writings will affect you very little—enjoy your nap. For the vast majority, however, who have suffered from at least occasional insomnia, I may be able to strike a cord.
Insomnia has been my companion since childhood. I can remember getting up in the middle of the night and going outside to walk so I wouldn’t disturb others with my sleeplessness. This, of course, created its own set of issues as I lived on a farm and some of those walks were dangerous in total darkness, while others just involved the annoyance of stepping in a hole or in some animal’s droppings. Usually, however, youth and fresh air solved the problem and I went back to my bed and slept.
The trend of sleeplessness grew more prominent when my girls were born. Every mother out there can tell you that deep sleep (that REM kind) is difficult to achieve, when you are listening with your half-asleep ears, for every grunt, groan or breath of a small child. We train ourselves to sleep lightly so that we are ever-present for our little ones, but the joke is on us: when the little ones don’t need that vigilance anymore, we are still trained not to sleep!
Beyond that, there is a little fun activity called “brain mania” which attacks at night. I can go for months without worrying about what there is in my freezer or whether the neighbors are going to replace the loose tile on the roof, but let me get into bed on a weary evening and suddenly, that is all my brain can think about, in addition to how much shopping I have left for Christmas (in July) or whether I should trim my hair or cut it at my next appointment. If future plans can’t occupy my brain, I can always go backwards and wonder if I should have bought those pears when they spoil so fast or whether the odd look on my husband’s face means I said something wrong. A little tip here: if you have that problem, your partner will not appreciate your waking them up at 2:00 in the morning to ask them if they are offended. At 2:00 in the morning, the answer is YES!
Insomnia has caused me to take up things like jig-saw puzzles. I work on them at 3 in the morning through blood-shot eyes and then, when the sun is up, I go back and re-arrange all the pieces I shoved into the wrong spots. I write in the middle of the night a lot, but when I read most of it in the shine of the morning light, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. I still don’t know what I meant by such notes as: “Napoleon was misunderstood,” or “check out light switches.” Sleep deprivation doesn’t necessarily promote clarity of thought, especially at midnight!
I watch a lot of television on sleepless nights, but if you have ever perused the television schedule for the middle of the night, you will find it is not appealing. This is when they binge-play such fascinating programs as “Night-Stalker” about the supernatural and “The Best of Naked Housewives” which makes Night-Stalker look good! Mostly, there are paid programs on in the middle of the night, but I’ve never been tempted to buy the age-defying face creams or the jewelry made from Alaskan pines. The down side, of course, is this programing doesn’t make me go to sleep either.
Now, before anyone suggests home remedies, just let me tell you that I have tried pineapple juice, hot vinegar, noise-blocking sounds, hot milk (who ever thought of that anyway?), exercise before bed, meditation before bed, no food past 8 o’clock, a heavy snack at 10:00 and so on. As for over the counter sleep aids, I believe I may have a bottle of every single one of them. My medicine cabinet looks like a yard sale for night-time aides and they all have one thing in common—they don’t work!
The sad fact is, that the only cure for my insomnia may be a sharp blow to the head with something hard and I’ve never been desperate enough to try—but give me a few more sleepless nights and we shall see. Happy sleeping, everyone!
dropsinthewell 