Monthly Archives: April 2016

About my new underwear…

I think it’s fair to say most people would state that I indulge my grandsons a little….okay, so maybe I indulge them a lot. And because of this tendency to indulge them, I may have been the victim of a vicious prank by my children.

It all started with a bunch of little rescue dogs collectively known as the “Paw Patrol.” My grandchildren, while not abandoning such old favorites as Curious George and Wild Kratts, have become huge fans of the Paw Patrol.

They watch the episodes so much that I can say the words along with them and I have been grilled repeatedly by the boys as to which one is which. “Which one is this, Grandma?” asked my younger grandson in his best teacher voice on Skype one night. He was pointing to the little canine grinning at me from the front of his shirt, but fortunately, before I had to reveal my ignorance he was so eager to share, that he answered his own question. “That’s Marshall, Grandma,” he told me importantly and I nodded as though I’d known it all the time.

It turns out that the members of the Paw Patrol are a million dollar franchise, to which my grandsons are devoted in their efforts to collect them. They collect stuffed toys, action figures, pillows and blankets, rugs, shirts, hats and socks. They even have some Paw Patrol bubble bath that they use at Grandma’s house.

I thought they had reached the limit of Paw Patrol paraphernalia, but as usual, Grandma was behind the times on Paw Patrol. As my faithful Paw Patrol expert informed me one day, “I just like Paw Patrol unnerwear, Grandma!” Paw Patrol underwear! Grandma went in search of it and sure enough, all those little rescue puppies are decorating some pretty cool pairs of undershorts.

Grandma was able to relax. I had provided my sweet little boys with the ultimate in Paw Patrol gear. That was the end of it…or so I thought.

It seems that my quest for Paw Patrol “unnerwear” had given my younger daughter and her partners in crime (her husband and her best friend) an idea for something they could do to torment Grandma. On a visit to my town, they all disappeared for several hours at the friend’s house. I didn’t think too much of it until they came back to my house with a little gift for me: my very own “unnerwear” which they had decorated with Paw Patrol iron on stickers.DSCN2397

To make sure that I would not be able to refuse, they had my grandsons deliver the underwear to me. The boys, were of course, confident that I would be thrilled with my new stylish underwear. They brought it to me, exclaiming over how cool it was that now Grandma had Paw Patrol underwear, just like them. Although my  older grandson did point out that there was one significant difference, “It’s such BIG Paw Patrol underwear, Grandma!”

Needless to say, I have not attempted to wear the Paw Patrol underwear. Why? You may ask. I think it would be extremely awkward to put on the underwear featuring the little rescue canines, but even worse would be for me to get into an accident in those things. No, I think this Paw Patrol underwear will remain in the back of my drawer…at least until my daughter and her friend celebrate their birthdays; then they are going to get a Paw Patrol special delivery!

© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Leave a comment

Filed under Humorous Column

Slipping him a mickey…

I drove home from Minneapolis this weekend. It’s unusual for me to drive the majority of the trip when we go to the “Cities” to visit our kids. Usually Roy drives and I give him a short break now and then.  But today, I’m proud to say that I did the vast majority of the driving…however, it wasn’t exactly by choice.

It all started with Roy’s backache. He’s been struggling with upper back muscle tension for several days, but this weekend he was particularly uncomfortable. So much so that he actually allowed me to give him some pain medication on Friday—something he prefers not to do.

Nonetheless, he struggled with sore muscles all weekend. I worried. I always do that…I overthink an eye twitch into a stroke or a bug bite into a fatal rash. So of course, a muscle ache could be any number of terrible things and I worried all weekend.

Then, of course, there was the abnormal sleeping. Usually on a trip anywhere away from our beds, we both sleep poorly and he is always up early. He declared both nights we were there that he slept soundly and had trouble getting up in the morning. And he napped every opportunity he got.

This morning was particularly rough. He arose late and was extremely grumpy. His muscles were still bothering him. We went to church and he sat down and fell asleep. That was odd because he doesn’t ordinarily sleep in church. And he was so deep in sleep that he didn’t notice when his son-in-law got up and left the sanctuary because he was overheated. He was really out and he missed a terrific sermon.

We went for a walk after church and he sat on a bench and fell asleep. Since his grandsons were there and he likes to watch them play, I was worried that he fell asleep. Then, when we went back to my daughter’s house, he fell asleep again, so deeply that he was hard to wake up to go to lunch.

He fell asleep on the hard benches we sat on to wait for our table at the restaurant and even when we woke him up, he still acted groggy. My worry finally reached its peak when we had to head out of the cities in heavy traffic and he admitted that he was afraid of dozing off if he tried to drive. Since I normally nap while he drives, this was particularly unnerving.

After this admission, I, of course, took the wheel. I drove and he fell into such a heavy sleep I had to work very hard to get him to respond if I needed something. I was frantic. What medical problem was he having? Should I be stopping in one of the towns along the way and seeking medical assistance?

In my mind, I ran back through the day, searching for something that could account for his grogginess. I remembered giving him some of my over the counter pain medication that morning and suddenly it became important to check the label on that. Maybe it was reacting adversely with a prescription med he takes. I stopped the car and got out the bottle of pills. It was my regular over the counter pain medication…only it was the PM version. In other words, I had been giving my poor husband pain medication with a sleep aid additive the whole weekend!pills

So I had, in effect, slipped my husband a mickey that morning and then tried to put him behind the wheel of the car. As I was driving along, still coming to grips with this, he suddenly woke up. “Do you want me to drive?” he asked in a sleepy voice. “No, I definitely don’t,” I answered, “I’m going to be driving this time.”

He’s back to full alertness now and has a new appreciation for how cautious he should be about whatever pills I give him. He also informed me that it’s illegal to drug someone and then transport them across state lines. I hope I don’t go to jail for this!


© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Leave a comment

Filed under Humorous Column

Wide Awake

The thing I miss the most about being a toddler is nap time. I have looked back across the vista of my life at the number of times I had the opportunity to nap or go to bed early and I wonder why I fought it so much.


Today, half my time is spent in finding ways to sleep anywhere and at any time. The rest of my time is pretty much wasted.
I had a particularly intense session in sleep techniques this weekend. Whenever I have a weekend tournament with my oral interp students, it is a tough weekend for everyone. They, because they must perform and me, because I must stay awake.
I started it out as usual by being unable to get my wake mechanism to shut down the night before. That is a new and clever way I have devised to say that I didn’t get any sleep the night before. I’m always paranoid that I will miss the alarm or get a flat tire, be late in some way. So, I spend the night waiting for the time to get up and go, counting on the chance to get in a nap on the bus on the way.
I rousted the kids out at 6:15 and they showed up…all of them. Most were still in their pajamas and had pillows and blankets, so they were planning on sleeping too. Trouble is, tired as I was, sleeping on that bus was impossible. I don’t know how many of you have tried riding a school bus lately, but the best of them ride so roughly that I would have better luck falling asleep on a pogo stick!
So, I spent the day sitting in a chair at an oral interp meet trying to sleep without appearing  to be asleep. All of the children leave their valuables with me as they go into rounds, so I always try to find ways to protect them. I sit at the table and wind bags around my wrists and ankles. This isn’t totally comfortable, but I do this on the assumption that if someone tried to take something, I would wake up. I’ve never had it tested out, at least I’m pretty sure no one’s attempted to steal and the students never complain about missing anything.
There are only three positions a person can assume when attempting to sleep at an oral interp meet. My favorite is the upright, head back. This involves finding a brick wall and putting your chair against it. I have slept with my head propped against a rough bit of brick many times and it is not too bad until you really fall asleep and your head slips to the side. That leaves some nasty examples of brick burn.
Then there is the straight chair position with head down. I don’t like this position because in the first place, it’s really hard on the neck to hang your head down and secondly, it can be misleading. I once woke from sleeping in this position to a student tapping me gently on the shoulder and saying, “Excuse me, Mrs. Fauth, I hate to disturb you while you’re praying, but I need to look at the schedule again.”
The final position is my least favorite, but the most effective. That’s the full-out, take off your glasses, cross your arms on the table and sleep with your head down. While I get the best sleep in this position, it’s also the one for which there is no faking that you were doing anything but sleeping on the job.
The interp meet was successful and the students were well-satisfied with their work. We went back home on the same rough bus, so I was awake the whole way. However, when I got home, my husband said to me, “What should we do tonight?” My answer? I gave him no answer. I had already slipped into bed and was completely unconscious. Now THAT was the greatest possible way to sleep…and I didn’t have five bags wrapped around my arms and legs, either. See you in the morning!

Leave a comment

Filed under Humorous Column

And that ends today’s exercise program…

Every once in a while, I get the feeling that I should exercise more. Mostly I get this feeling when I step on a scale (usually by accident) or put on my favorite clothes…which refuse to close. It’s then I get the exercise bug. Not just the “go on a few more walks, big girl” kind of bug. I mean the “get out the mat and start sweatin’ you oldie!” kind of bug.

Well, last week, my favorite pair of navy pants expressed its displeasure with my weight gain by popping the waistband button and shooting it across the room. Very well, I can take a hint. I looked up some exercises on the Internet. “Tighter abs, smaller waist and hips in just 7 minutes a day.” What a great title and it didn’t sound too difficult.

First, I turned off every electronic device in the house. There is no way I want someone to hack into my account, film me wallowing around on the floor like a beached whale and put it on You Tube or something. It wouldn’t go viral, I’m sure, but it would probably be recommended viewing for anyone wishing to lose their appetite!

I unburied my exercise mat in the bottom of the closet. As I rolled it out, I know it said, “Oh seriously, lady, not again!” I got down on the floor and that only took three minutes. Imagine my outrage when I realized that those three minutes don’t count in the seven minutes of the workout! Certainly I raised a sweat getting down there!

First, I had to bend my knees and touch my ankles from either side. This one wasn’t too bad, except I didn’t make it quite to my ankles. Okay, to tell the truth I had a little trouble bending my knees, but I waved at my ankles from either side and began to “feel the burn” as they say.

I had been somewhat worried about the dog bothering me during this process. I shouldn’t have concerned myself. She disappeared into the basement the minute she heard me grunting and groaning, no doubt supposing that I was dying slowly and painfully from something she didn’t want to catch!

Next were two exercises requiring me to connect opposite ends of my body. I must make my right elbow touch my left knee. Well, I’ve already explained about the knee-bending thing, but the elbow was much more cooperative. I managed to get my bent elbows almost over my bosom and my knees ended up somewhere in the region of my hips. I’ll get better as time goes on, I suppose, but somehow, I am not expecting a knee-elbow reunion anytime soon.

From there it just gets worse. The next exercise wanted me to bend my knees again (they were obsessive about bent knees) and then sit up and stick my hands as far as I could between my thighs. Now I had some problems with this. First, there was the problem of being able to sit up far enough to do this and then, when I could, it looked like I was performing some weird, sexual ritual. Definitely don’t want to do that one around anyone else!

The final torture…I mean, requirement was to do something called a plank. This is where you get up on your toes and your forearms and hold your body in a straight line—the plank. I had just done ankle touches, elbow and knee bends and another exercise I don’t like to talk about. Nonetheless, I decided to do the plank. I got up on my forearms and my toes. Unfortunately, I had slipped down on the mat, so that my toes hit the linoleum instead of the mat. I pushed up into the plank and observing myself in the glass of the door, I could see that I resembled a camel with my butt as the large hump in the middle; it didn’t look very much like a plank. As I began to count, my toes slipped on the linoleum and I fell on my face.

And that wraps up this session of my exercise program. Any bets as to how long I can keep this up?

© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Leave a comment

Filed under Humorous Column