Tag Archives: exercise

And that ends today’s exercise program…

Every once in a while, I get the feeling that I should exercise more. Mostly I get this feeling when I step on a scale (usually by accident) or put on my favorite clothes…which refuse to close. It’s then I get the exercise bug. Not just the “go on a few more walks, big girl” kind of bug. I mean the “get out the mat and start sweatin’ you oldie!” kind of bug.

Well, last week, my favorite pair of navy pants expressed its displeasure with my weight gain by popping the waistband button and shooting it across the room. Very well, I can take a hint. I looked up some exercises on the Internet. “Tighter abs, smaller waist and hips in just 7 minutes a day.” What a great title and it didn’t sound too difficult.

First, I turned off every electronic device in the house. There is no way I want someone to hack into my account, film me wallowing around on the floor like a beached whale and put it on You Tube or something. It wouldn’t go viral, I’m sure, but it would probably be recommended viewing for anyone wishing to lose their appetite!

I unburied my exercise mat in the bottom of the closet. As I rolled it out, I know it said, “Oh seriously, lady, not again!” I got down on the floor and that only took three minutes. Imagine my outrage when I realized that those three minutes don’t count in the seven minutes of the workout! Certainly I raised a sweat getting down there!

First, I had to bend my knees and touch my ankles from either side. This one wasn’t too bad, except I didn’t make it quite to my ankles. Okay, to tell the truth I had a little trouble bending my knees, but I waved at my ankles from either side and began to “feel the burn” as they say.

I had been somewhat worried about the dog bothering me during this process. I shouldn’t have concerned myself. She disappeared into the basement the minute she heard me grunting and groaning, no doubt supposing that I was dying slowly and painfully from something she didn’t want to catch!

Next were two exercises requiring me to connect opposite ends of my body. I must make my right elbow touch my left knee. Well, I’ve already explained about the knee-bending thing, but the elbow was much more cooperative. I managed to get my bent elbows almost over my bosom and my knees ended up somewhere in the region of my hips. I’ll get better as time goes on, I suppose, but somehow, I am not expecting a knee-elbow reunion anytime soon.

From there it just gets worse. The next exercise wanted me to bend my knees again (they were obsessive about bent knees) and then sit up and stick my hands as far as I could between my thighs. Now I had some problems with this. First, there was the problem of being able to sit up far enough to do this and then, when I could, it looked like I was performing some weird, sexual ritual. Definitely don’t want to do that one around anyone else!

The final torture…I mean, requirement was to do something called a plank. This is where you get up on your toes and your forearms and hold your body in a straight line—the plank. I had just done ankle touches, elbow and knee bends and another exercise I don’t like to talk about. Nonetheless, I decided to do the plank. I got up on my forearms and my toes. Unfortunately, I had slipped down on the mat, so that my toes hit the linoleum instead of the mat. I pushed up into the plank and observing myself in the glass of the door, I could see that I resembled a camel with my butt as the large hump in the middle; it didn’t look very much like a plank. As I began to count, my toes slipped on the linoleum and I fell on my face.

And that wraps up this session of my exercise program. Any bets as to how long I can keep this up?

© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Exercise….bah, humbug!

I read an article yesterday telling me how to exercise intelligently so that I will be slim for the holidays and not need to make the traditional New Year’s Resolution to exercise more. I laughed till the tears ran down my face and into my cup of hot cocoa.download (4)

In the first place, I don’t have any ambition to be slim for the holidays and in the second place, if I make a New Year’s Resolution it will be to find more time for naps!

It did get me to thinking about my sedentary lifestyle, though. I am prone to lying prone on my couch or my bed and I may not get enough exercise. Maybe I should worry about that.

The article recommended that I keep a journal of my exercise for a day, a week, etc. That seemed like a good idea, so I began to keep a record. It looks a lot like this:

Monday: Spent twenty minutes going up and down the steps to the laundry room several times. I wasn’t doing several loads of laundry—I would get to the bottom of the stairs with all the clothes I was washing and then I would remember something else and have to run get it. Surely going up and down the stairs several times constitutes exercise…my mind is weak but my body is strong.

Tuesday: Spent the day walking from one end of the school to the other. Not because I was deliberately exercising, I just made the mistake of sending my class on a fact finding project and then realized that the fact was I would find them all over the building. Hustling up and down halls in search of suddenly released children will work up a sweat.images (4)

Wednesday – Spent all of Wednesday evening chasing a small dog around the house with the flyswatter as she chewed up one item after another that she was not supposed to have. I don’t think the dog is at all concerned about my exercise, but she does contribute her share to keeping me active.

Thursday – I spent that evening exercising my arms. Well, I exercised my legs a little too. Okay, so I sat with my feet up and guzzled iced tea all night. We can’t exercise every day right? I wonder if this is what the article meant by justifying my lack of ambition?

Friday – Okay, on Friday, I had a good excuse. On Friday, I have to watch Hawaii Five-O and Blue Bloods; how in the world could I exercise?  I did do a bit of a run, though. I ran to the bathroom and ran back to the television so I wouldn’t miss the show. Surely that counts?

Saturday I did a lot of walking. I swept and mopped floors. Then, I cleaned the bathroom and did an accidental Pilate. That was painful, so I had to sit and do some heavy breathing for a while. Then, I dropped a meat tenderizer on my foot and I did a lot of energetic hopping around. That was kind of exercising, right?

Okay, okay, so I need to do more for exercise, I get it. I just don’t like all the sweating and huffing and puffing that goes along with it. And if I don’t want to be slim for the holidays it’s not that urgent. But when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions—maybe I’ll just resolve to avoid magazine articles that talk about exercise. Yeah, that’s a good one!

© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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