Jackie Wells-Fauth
No, I really don’t have a solution for the need for substitutes in the schools, so if you’re reading this for that, I have misled you and I’m sorry. In fact, the problem is even worse than you might imagine, because when the local schools need substitutes, their selection is limited.
I have done some occasional substitute work since I retired from the full-time classroom and even more than in all my years in education, do I understand now the value of a substitute teacher when the full-time teacher has to be gone. I believe most teachers share my belief that it is much easier as a regular teacher, to just show up for school than to try and prepare for a substitute! I used to write volumes of instructions until my favorite substitute of all times told me two things: 1) I’ll figure it out; don’t write me a new version of the Bible—it takes all day to read it and 2) for the love of all that’s holy, don’t make me teach Shakespeare! You’ll be sorry!
I understand her so much better now that I’m on the other side. But all in all, things in the educational world maintain a number of truths that I can never forget and on a recent opportunity I had to fill in at the school, I was reminded of several of them.
For instance, there will be any number of students who will ask to go to their lockers, the bathroom, the office, etc. during the day. The majority of these students do not really need to go to the bathroom, their lockers, the office, etc. I know this and I still let them go. Why? Because students, from first grade through adulthood sometimes just need to move. A walk to their locker, the bathroom or the office will usually relieve that urge, so why not let them go? Unless, of course, they ask to go to their locker, the bathroom and the office all in the first half hour…then you might want to curb their wanderlust a little!
I think I learned this very valuable lesson when I sat through hours of staff meetings and personal development sessions. I would get up and go to the refreshment table for 20 cups of coffee that I really didn’t need and then my need to go to the bathroom was very real!
Another truth that any teacher will tell you is that if you spend five minutes, repeating the instructions for the math assignment, you should be prepared for the results, when you end with, “Are there any questions?” The first question will be, “What do we do again?” and the next one will be “Do you have a dog?” You will then patiently explain that they should read the textbook material and then do the worksheet, at which point, someone will inevitably ask, “When do we do the worksheet?” And that’s not as bad as the one who will ask, “What’s its name?” indicating that they are not in the math class at all—they are back on the topic of the dog!
It is so important to try and convince students that you do not suffer from any bodily demands or complaints. Teachers learn to eat their lunches in about five minutes thus creating a habit of gulping food which seems to bring on weight gain. We also learn, like Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory, to discipline our bathroom habits – there is no time for the teacher to go to the bathroom during the day. Frequently, I find teachers visit the bathroom at around 4:00, no matter what day it is.
And heaven help you if you need to pass gas. This is the favorite bodily function of most students, with the possible exception of belching. If someone passes gas as is indicated both by sound and smell, the entire classroom will root out the perpetrator with all the tenacity of Columbo on the case. If you, as the teacher, feel this coming on yourself, you must find your way to the hallway as quickly as possible, if you don’t want the students to bring it up for the rest of their school careers. And after you have relieved the urge in the hallway, you must maintain an innocent face should anyone walking down the hallway remark on the fact that the sewer must be malfunctioning!
I loved the years I spent in the classroom and counted myself lucky to have such a satisfying career. So, the occasional substituting gig is fun for me (unless they put me in the math room…or kindergarten). And along with all of the classroom truths I have just mentioned, there is one more: there is nothing more fulfilling than time spent in the schoolroom with all of those sharp minds! Hurray for teachers!
dropsinthewell 