Not making the connection

I’m having my hearing tested as soon as I can. On a not-so-related-note, I had about five seconds of panic that my husband might be cheating on me. And, on a note which will appear to be connected later, I’m ripping the phone off of the wall.

One of the worst things about telephones today is the advent of the tele-marketer. I’ve tried to be patient because I know this is not an easy job, but I think some of them are a real annoyance.

I answer the phone and a loud boat whistle goes off in my ear and I hear that I have been selected to be the winner of a free cruise. I usually hang up before I’m instructed to press “2” for more details on how I can reveal personal information to get the fictitious cruise tickets.

Then there are political commercials. I don’t care what political party you are from, what special interests you espouse or what religious affiliations you might follow. When it comes to these political phone calls, I’m ready to vote for Putin as president of Fantasyland! The least they could do is have the courtesy to give me a real person to hang up on, instead of a recorded message.

But I digress from today’s exciting adventures! Tonight, I was watching television at an admittedly high volume when the phone rang. I debated with myself, but finally opted to answer it. First mistake.

“Hello?”

“Hello,” answered a sweet, female voice on the other end. “May I speak to Roy?”

“I’m sorry, Roy is not at home, may I take a message,” by this time, my mind was back on the television show I was missing and I wasn’t listening too closely.

“This is Roy’s wife,” said the sweet young voice.

A silence….a very long silence, while I tried to make sense of the idea that Roy’s wife had called Roy’s wife to let Roy’s wife know that she was, indeed, Roy’s wife.

My voice dropped into a few degrees of ice. “I’m sorry, who are you looking for?”

“I said, is this Roy’s wife,” she replied, prepared to launch into her sales pitch.

It was at this point that I hung up the phone, not because she was particularly annoying, but because I’m now concerned that my hearing might be going.

So, tomorrow, I’m going to call for an appointment to have my ears checked. Then I’m ripping the phone out of the wall….and Roy just might want to watch his step!