Confessions of a Junk Food Junkie

It’s early on a weekend morning. I have my bowl of skim milk over shredded wheat in front of me with a tall glass of iced tea beside it. I have done my Yoga stretches and meditation and I have my copy of Dr. Oz’s article on how to slim down fast ready at my elbow.  I’m ready to enjoy a calm, healthy day.

But it’s all a lie. My ability to enjoy a healthy day is pretty much non-existent. I should be at one of those addiction meetings saying, “Hello, my name is Jackie, and I’m a junk food junkie.” If it’s food that’s bad for you, I’m the first in line.

My husband once told me that the amount of money I have spent at Burger King should have meant that I owned stock in it. But they have the greatest whoppers in the world…if only they didn’t feel compelled to put all that lettuce and tomato on it. Although, I can count that as my fruits and vegetables for the day, so the whopper is actually kind of a health food, right?

In truth, however, it’s not Burger King that has the most addictive junk food. I love, love, LOVE the French fries at McDonald’s. When I go to McDonald’s and order a meal, it’s just a socially acceptable cover. When I order a Big Mac and they ask that oh-so-famous question:download (1) Do you want fries with that? I just snort and reply, “I want a Big Mac with my FRIES, you mean!” Someday, when I no longer care about my heart or my cholesterol or whatever, I’m going in and order five servings of French fries—no hamburger, and I’m going to add, “Supersize that!”

I’m no safer from fast food in the grocery store. I don’t buy Oreos; I buy double stuff Oreos. No sense in getting too much cookie in that! I eat bread, but only cinnamon bread—with lots of frosting. No HoHo is safe in my vicinity and I have never been known to pass by the Snickers counter without taking home a few souvenirs. You’ll find me many times in the aisles of a grocery store trying to score extra bags of M&Ms and chips in the family sized bags.

Drinks are no better. If it was up to me, they could pour all alcoholic beverages in the sea and I would be unmoved. But if you start dumping the Pepsi overboard, I’ll dive in to save it. Any place that wants me to regard them as civilized will have to serve Pepsi, and if they want me to come back, there will be free refills. I’m not hooked on coffee (which has considerably less calories), I’m hooked on Pepsi! I’ll drink Coke when I have to, but it’s never as satisfying. Places where I am a frequent customer bring me a Pepsi without having to ask any awkward questions.545010_850822029836_1082733874_n

So as you can see, my weekend morning’s picture has a few flaws. Because if you look closer, you might find that the milk isn’t skim and that the shredded wheat is heavily laced with sugar, the iced tea will not make it to the bottom of the glass before it’s replaced by a Pepsi, the Yoga session lasted almost four minutes and I’m reading Dr. Oz’s article “How to Slim Down Fast” because I always enjoy a good laugh! Hello, I’m Jackie and I’m a junk food junkie!

© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Leave a comment

Filed under Humorous Column

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s