Monthly Archives: May 2023

It’s a well known fact that I have little respect for the commercials that come on television these days. The fact that we get so many of them as compared to the amount of television programming we get doesn’t help the situation. While I realize that it is difficult to develop an advertising campaign that pleases everyone, I have to question how many people are pleased with what they are seeing today. I’m not sure my husband was as aware of this fact as I was until the other night when we decided to watch a program together.

Now the program we wanted to watch was an old movie on a cable station, so it had to be figured that they were going to cut out some portions of the movie in order to fit in a few more commercials. As it turned out, the most entertainment we got was complaining about the commercials.

“I really like the movie that we’re watching,” my husband said, “but there do seem to be a lot of commercials and a lot of the movie is being lost.”

“Oh I know what you’re talking about,” I responded, “and I have to say the quality of some of the commercials don’t make it worth the cuts.”

We spent the next few minutes eating popcorn, quoting our favorite lines from the movie, and grinding our teeth over commercials which offered you everything from food delivered to your door to elaborate weight loss programs and exercise equipment. It seemed a little counterproductive, but it didn’t make us enjoy our popcorn any less.

“Okay, I think my least favorite so far has been the musical that the pharmaceutical company puts on to sell its pills,” I said, after having watched this commercial for the thirteenth time.

“Well at least there’s a catchy tune that goes along with that one,” my husband responded. “The one that’s beginning to freak me out is the one with the little blue box that walks along and talks to you and tries to convince you to take a dump in it. That one’s just wrong.”

“It’s all for the sake of medical improvement,” I was trying to be fair. “Wait until you see the one with the little bladder. It takes you by the hand and leads you to the bathroom. I have to admit if my bladder ever shows up and tries to lead me to the bathroom, I’ll probably have to have something for a heart attack.”

At that moment the movie started up again so we had some comfortable time watching that romance develop on stage. It was the perfect movie; I enjoyed the romance, my husband enjoyed the action. Unfortunately, it was necessary for them to pause for the station identification. That means 10 commercials in a row, most selling or offering nothing that I want to buy or take.

“I’ve given it a great deal of serious thought, and I think that if someone shows up in bed between us trying to sell us higher quality furnishings, I’m gonna call the police, I don’t care if they are a celebrity,” was my husband’s next observation.

“Oh I would agree, but even that is not as disturbing as finding a little green lizard or large ostrich and his weird friend appearing before me trying to sell me insurance,” I decided. “When I see those commercials, all I want insurance for is to make sure that none of them show up at my house.”

“I have to say I really like the candy commercials, except the one where they’re trying to convince us that one side of the candy bar is different than the other. I know they’re just trying to get my attention, but it gives me the impression they don’t think much of my intelligence.”

“Well, the movie is nearly over,” my husband said. “Hopefully, we won’t have to watch anymore commercials for cars we can’t afford, exercise systems we would never use, or kitchen utensils intended for a professional chef.”

I didn’t mention it, but I thought in my own head I wouldn’t mind those commercials, but if I have to inspect the bear’s behind one more time to be certain that his toilet paper got it clean, I may stop watching television altogether! I hope you all enjoy your summer programming.

I swear that every year, at the end of the school year, I clean up my cupboards and desk before I leave for the summer. At least, I think I do this…but this year I discovered that I may not have been quite as thorough as I imagined!

This year is different because I plan to retire this spring. That means none of my stuff should be left in the cupboards and desks to make some bright, young teacher wonder about me. The trouble is, the more I dig through things, the more I’m beginning to wonder about me.

One cupboard was where I kept my cleaning supplies. I admit it, I normally come in the fall and automatically bring an entire range of cleaning products without checking to see what’s already there. When I began setting out all the cleaning items in that cupboard, I discovered I have enough product to clean the moon and several stars, although some of the wipes and spray are so old that they are kind of dry…okay, they are as dry as the moon as well!

When I dug behind them, I discovered that I had a huge supply of paper products. I have enough napkins, Kleenex, cups, paper plates, etc., to supply a small nation. What do you do with fourteen opened packages of cups, plates and napkins? I’d tell you what I did, but it would require me making a confession that environmentalists would not care to hear!

I enjoyed going through the books the most. I discovered that about half of the single titles in the stacks in the cupboard had my name in them. Some of them are books I have looked everywhere for at home, while others have not been missed and so will doubtless be donated to some library where they can wonder what to do with them! The rest I’ll take home and shelve next to the new copy I bought of them because I thought I’d lost them!

I sorted through a mountain of construction, card and other colored paper that has somehow landed in my room as my students worked on projects over the years. Index cards cropped up from pretty much every drawer and there aren’t enough recipes in the world to fill them. I also found enough envelopes with the school’s return address on them to send a personal letter to everyone with whom I ever came in contact and have some left over. My only comfort here is that with this amount of paper supply, the school should be able to cross off those supplies on next year’s budget. I’ve got it covered!

It was when I began going through desk drawers that I found the things of most personal regard. My desk is a big, old wooden number with deep drawers and tunneling to the bottom of those was interesting…or maybe disturbing. I found that I had three lighters and a box of matches—we’re not allowed to have candles, so I don’t quite know what they were for. I found three tape measures, two spools of white thread and an old film canister full of needles. Perhaps I could take up dressmaking in my retirement years!

Then there was the silverware. I unearthed no less than 18 forks brought to eat luncheon leftovers and then crammed in the drawers—no, I don’t know why! I also found the other half of my set of white-handled spoons and two perfectly good steak knives. My silverware drawers at home will be overwhelmed!

Amongst the half empty bags of cough drops and outdated bottles of aspirin, I found a set of feminine products that I haven’t needed for 15 years. I donated that to the trash can.  At the very bottom of the drawer were two cans of pears…one of them outdated and the other not. Obviously, I intended to use the spoons to eat them, I just don’t know when.

My desks and cupboards are pretty clean now, so I won’t be leaving any mysteries behind for the new teacher in this classroom. However, I’ve just realized that I have several shelves in the room that I need to sort through…I’m not sure I want to leave things behind like my bust of Shakespeare, which might make sense to a new English teacher…but I know I don’t want to leave my statues of Santa Claus and the goat behind—it would leave a certain amount of questions! 25 years sure goes fast!