Tag Archives: life

The Walkabout

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels.com

Jackie Wells-Fauth

Because of all the health issues I’ve had and the health issues I would really like to avoid, I’ve come to the sad conclusion that I must stay physically active.

So, a few years back, I decided it was time to institute a daily walking program. I call it my “walkabout” because that sounds so much more fun and elegant than “the daily trudge.” In Australia, a walkabout is a hiking trip through the bush country—or so I understand. I can pretend I’m there and I feel so important!

It starts with the daily argument my body has as I am dragging it out of bed. Let’s see: whose turn is it to hurt today and turn the walkabout into a limpabout?

“The left knee has been hogging the headlines for hurting now for four days. I think it’s time to let the right ankle have a turn at hurting,” I will hear them say as I pull on my old clothes and my walking shoes.

“Well, okay, but don’t forget that the upper body has a lot of neat pains as well. The shoulders can make walking unpleasant and there’s nothing like a good headache to create just the right amount of strain.”

Once we have determined what is going to create the walking problem, it’s time to select the correct brace. An ankle brace or a knee brace? Is it a sling we need for an arm that’s out of commission or do we need a neck brace to be on the safe side? I have a collection of braces for various body parts that would put a hospital to shame and pretty much every day, I need one (sometimes more) for the morning walkabout.

The next question is where to walk. The health recommendation to keep all the body parts moving is to walk at least 30 minutes. My own health recommendation is not to walk on any major highway, because getting hit by a vehicle would mess up my walkabout a great deal. That does, however, limit my walking choices. I have determined that if I walk twice around the little housing area where I live, I will meet the recommended time. In order to do that, I have to walk by my own house several times and it’s always a temptation to just give it up and drag myself back into the house for a second cup of coffee.

If I can resist the temptation to cut the walk short and just tell everyone I did a full 30 minutes, I find that it’s upsetting for the neighborhood dogs to have me skulking by their houses several times. We have reached an understanding, though—I’ll stay off their lawns and they won’t sound like they are going to eat me! It’s a satisfying arrangement for all of us—especially me!

Weather becomes a real issue when it comes to the walkabout. When I was younger, I walked in any weather, usually very early in the mornings, because I had to get to work. Now that I’ve retired and regained my senses, I find walking at 6:30 in the morning, in the dark, in a snowstorm, to be a little too much. I do still try to go as early as possible because I have discovered a correlation between the time of day and my ambition: the later it gets, the less I want to walk!

So I aim to get in a full walk; except if it’s too hot…or too cold, or too sunny…or raining…or foggy. Foggy is the worst because that messes up my glasses and I can’t see where I’m walking.

I decided I needed a way to walk even when the weather is not cooperating, so I invested in a treadmill, which frequently doubles as a clothes closet. They say that is not as good as walking outside, so I do try to make it a walkabout in the great outdoors, because saying, “I went for my morning walkabout on the treadmill”—really loses a lot of glamour! But, if the weather’s too bad, or I’ve waited too long, I clear the hangers off the treadmill and go for my “walkabout” there!

The end result of this is that I still wake up in the morning wondering what things on the body are going to complain, but I’m assured by every medical source I’ve checked that it would be worse without the walkabout. So, if you see me out there trudging down the road, looking like I’m really not enjoying myself—I’m not, but I’m at least pretending I am in the bush country of Australia and doing something elegant!

Leave a comment

Filed under Humorous Column

My hoarder tendencies

Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels.com

Jackie Wells-Fauth

I spend too much time trolling the internet, but once in a while, I run across something that gives me pause. And I feel I should take a few moments to respond to the particular article I read this morning on Facebook.

The article is entitled “30 Things You Don’t Actually Need (But Still Keep anyway.)” Now, as a borderline hoarder, an article like this attracted my attention. I was prepared to indignantly reject all of them, but to my dismay, several of them hit home.

Number 1 item that you don’t need but have kept anyway, is totally bogus. “The box your phone came in.” Not guilty. Half the time, I can’t find my phone itself; how in the world could I keep track of the box?

Number 2 – “Candles you’ll never use.” Spoken like people who have never had a power outage. If you did, you would be grateful, sitting there in the dark in July, trying to read by the Scents of Christmas candle.

Number 3 – “Chargers for devices you don’t own.” Guilty, because I don’t know the ones that I do still need from the ones I don’t need any more and they are tangled together in the drawer like illicit lovers who don’t tell each other’s secrets.

Number 4 – “Crusty nail polish from three summers ago” …does petrified nail polish from 20 years ago apply here? Asking for a friend.

Number 5 – “That stack of ‘just in case’ paper bags.” Okay, mine are plastic, not paper and it’s not so much a stack as an explosion in the making.

Number 6 – “Clothes you don’t love but feel guilty tossing”. Come on, who doesn’t have hangers full of poor choice purchases in the back of the closet? We are all guilty of this one.

Number 7 – “The one earring is missing its mate.” Not earrings (I am too cowardly to pierce my ears) but socks and every plastic container and lid that have gone into my cupboards.

Number 8 – “Takeaway menus (we use apps now)”. Sure we do!

Number 9 – “A random key that opens nothing”. One key??? How about a boxful?

Number 10 – “The fancy mug you’re scared to use.” Okay, if I use the Star Trek mug too much, it won’t do the transporter thingy when it’s hot, anymore!

Number 11 – “The mystery cable you’ve had for years”. That’s right, I have one and I’m going to find out where it came from if I have to get Jessica Fletcher, Columbo and that guy from Midsomer Murders to do it! It’s probably a murder weapon from some cold case!

Number 12 – “Freebies you didn’t ask for.” But those are the best ones!

Number 13 – “Manuals for electric appliances you don’t own anymore.” Well obviously, because that one drawer in the kitchen needs to be overstuffed with something!

Number 14 – Gift bags you plan to re-use but never do. But they are great for holding other gift bags you’re never going to use!

Number 15 – Souvenir key rings from places you’re never going to remember. None for me—Refrigerator magnets; there’s my guilty pleasure. People entering my kitchen must guess what color the refrigerator actually is under all those magnets!

Number 16 – Stickers you’ve never peeled. Please, I have a four-and-a-half-year-old grandson; all my stickers are peeled and on the wall, as God intended!

Looking at this list (and there are many more) I can see I may be a little overstocked at my house. I suppose I should start cleaning things out or maybe I could apply to the television show Hoarders and let them do it for me!

Leave a comment

Filed under Humorous Column