Tag Archives: technology

It isn’t exactly like Jason Bourne…

I just got home from the latest Jason Bourne movie and as usual, I loved it! Those movies have all been packed with fast-paced action, intrigue, danger and mystery. I can’t decide why they appeal to me so much; perhaps it’s the quality acting of Matt Damon or maybe it’s the wonderful story lines. Or maybe, in just a small little part of me, I wish I was more like Jason Bourne.

That’s not so impossible, is it? I mean, think about some of the things Jason Bourne does. They are very similar to things that happen in my own life.

Take tonight’s movie. Jason Bourne was on the run from the bad guys and suddenly, he disappeared. The next thing you know, he jumps out and with two punches, lands both of the bad guys on the ground, completely knocked out. Now me? I sat in a chair where two flies were really bugging me. I got up with purpose, got out the flyswatter and absolutely squashed one of those flies. At least, he seemed to be dead, but after a while he got up and left. Pretty much the same, right?

One of the things I like about Jason Bourne is the way he is always traveling, without a hitch, from country to country, around the world. I’m pretty much like that as well. I plane and train hop everywhere myself. Except that Jason Bourne just walks up to the gate and hops on to the plane. I drag my purse, carry-on baggage, liquids I have properly placed in plastic bags, shoes taken off in the “imaging chamber”, and with my hair in my eyes and my boarding pass in my teeth, I huff and puff my way through a line three miles long. I’m not sure how Jason does it his way, but mine is almost as thrilling…except for the little pieces of boarding pass that I spit out during the whole flight.

Jason Bourne is always doing cool things on the computer. He can download, copy, break into encrypted files, etc. You name it and he has it down. Me? I can turn my computer on and sometimes if I’m lucky, I can send an e-mail.

Phones are another thing Bourne has got down perfectly. He can code them, message with them, call the bad guys to gloat about not being caught. I can unlock mine…sometimes….when I can remember the code. Once I have unlocked it, I can even call someone on it…sometimes…when I can remember their number.

Okay, so maybe Bourne is having more fun than I am. He drives cars through trash and debris with precision. I manage to carry trash and debris out of my house to the garbage can and only miss rarely. Bourne is always on the alert and always one step ahead of the bad guys. I am frequently caught napping and I’m never a step ahead of anyone.

Now that I think about it, maybe I don’t want to be like Jason Bourne anyway. After all, he has to figure out how to get from one place to another without being killed. My biggest problem this week was how to clean the sticky stuff out of the grout in my kitchen. He lives by the gun, I live by the sponge, broom and mop.

Still, I’d like to have something in common with the famous Jason Bourne. He is the Bourne Identity while I am the Fauth Misnomer. But….I’ve got it! Both of us have a first name the starts with the letter J! I knew that I  was like Jason Bourne somehow. He’s an international hired assassin who has reformed his ways and I am a Midwestern housewife who can’t even refold a map. The comparison is there, however; I have found my connection to the great Jason Bourne. We share the letter J. Pathetic, isn’t it?

© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Non-techies unite!  Grab a pencil and some paper and follow me!

I am writing this blog tonight on a computer and I intend to post it online, but I want all of you to know I do it under protest. For an avowed non-techie like myself, the time has come to rebel.

Everyone has known for many years how I feel about computers, but I think this week we have reached new heights. I say that computers are taking over the world and those of us who don’t use them continuously are being discriminated against.

I wanted to sign up for a class this summer. It was one I have been interested in for a while. I took my admission papers for the school and tried to follow the instructions. The main instruction is to sign up on-line, not by calling the school. I went to the WebAdvisor page and followed enough instructions so it got my name right.

The next instruction said to “Click Here” to sign up for the class. I “clicked there” and got to the class page. I clicked on the class I wanted. It sent me back to the WebAdvisor page which instructed me to “Click here” to sign up for the class. For an hour and a half I continued to “click here,” with each click getting me nowhere in particular and always taking me back to the WebAdvisor page which advised me to “Click here.” By then, if I had owned a revolver, I would have pointed it at the computer, put my finger on the trigger and invited the computer to “click here.”

Of course, eventually I had to contact the school who discovered a “little glitch” in my program, so they signed me up for the class. This happens to me frequently; apparently I have a spot on my computer which invites me to “click here for the little glitch!” The whole point is that in the end, a person signed me up for the class.

The same thing happens whenever I attempt to use the computer for such transactions. I went to get a ticket to a play I really wanted to see. I had to set up an account first and then “click here” to get my ticket. I clicked. The little swirly circle swirled and I thought we were all set up. Two weeks later, no ticket had arrived. I took a chance. I called. The lady there said, “No, you didn’t buy a ticket. Too bad, we’re all out. You should have called.”

Trouble is, of course, phones are no better these days. They are all little computers just dripping with apps and programs and even cameras. And they are truly dehumanizing the country. I eat lunch alone in restaurants a lot. I don’t like it but it’s often necessary. When I sit in those restaurants, I watch the people at tables around me who come in together, but who are also eating alone. Or they are eating with their preferred companions, their phones. It’s too sad to be funny.

Discrimination is the hot topic of the country. We should have consideration for the differently abled, racial tension, gender identity, etc. We should have consideration for those groups, but what about those of us who are simply not in step with all this technology? We need a voice to speak for us as well.

The crowning moment came this week. I sat down to do some work on my computer (yes, I have one) and it couldn’t be accessed. It was busy “updating.” It’s done this before…usually takes about 20 minutes. Except that this took five hours and when it was finished, it announced, “We have updated you to Windows 10.” Now, that was unnerving, to say the least. My computer made a decision for me and then tied up my programs for five hours to do something I didn’t want done in the first place.

After it was finished, there was this creepy little message which now sits permanently on the bottom of my screen: “I’m Cortana. Ask me anything.” It sounds a little like a sexual come-on, but if I were to ask Cortana something, it would probably be to give her a suggestion of what she can do with herself.

Non-techies arise! We must do something before it’s too late! Give me my paper and pencil back—or at least, let me have my Windows 8!



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