I miss my commercials…

If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be hanging out in a closet at the back of my house. It’s not a large closet…in fact, it’s small and dark. But it’s quiet and I don’t have to listen to any more political backlash.

I really don’t mind avoiding politics, but I do miss my commercials. After all, if I don’t watch all the non-stop commercials, how will I know how to live?

Roy comes to check on me occasionally, and although he’s concerned about me, I know he doesn’t really understand.

“There’s a debate going on tonight,” he tells me. “Don’t you want to watch?”

“No,” I answer quickly, “But be certain to tell me about the commercials.”

“The commercials?” he was truly puzzled. “What do you need them for?”

“How can I decide what car insurance to buy? How can I determine the best way to determine if my teeth are white enough?” I felt a little frantic, sitting there in that tiny dark space.

“I wasn’t aware that the whiteness of your teeth was keeping you up nights,” he said dryly.

“It isn’t just that,” it frustrates me when he doesn’t understand. “ How will I know which pills to take for my ailments? What about my shoes? Coat? Cool sunglasses? I can’t decide which ones to get unless I have my commercials and I feel like I’m in withdrawal.”

“Then come out and watch your commercials,” Roy withdrew his head from the closet and prepared to leave.

“I can’t do that! If I come out to watch my commercials, I”ll have to listen to all the political stuff and I just can’t stand that…and I don’t know which tranquilizer will be the best. Oh, this is really terrible!”

I buried my distraught face in my kleenix, but I don’t know if this brand is still the softest and best, so that was pretty upsetting as well.

Roy really does try to be encouraging, “If you hear some political programming, you might learn about the issues.”

“Someone is actually talking about the issues?” I asked incredulously, “When did that start?”

I spent some more time in that dark closet worrying about which restaurant will allow me to have the laughing best time and which cereal will give me the best start to the day. I thought a lot about air fresheners (it was stuffy in the closet), and I wasn’t at all confident about which energy system would save me the most money. And worst of all, what if I needed a new vehicle (while sitting in the tiny closet)…where would I go and what would I buy????

Still, I will stay in my closet. It may not be the best solution, but I can’t handle the so-called, “election process” and I think bipartisan cooperation may be something we will only see today in the history books.

The closer we get to the election, the more vicious and unreasoning it becomes; I have irrefutable proof of this. While I was sitting in the closet worrying about how I would use the best bleach and how I would vacuum my rugs (the one I was sitting on was kind of dirty), Roy suddenly opened the door again.

“I don’t want to come out of the closet,” I screeched at him.

“I didn’t come for that,” he answered quietly.

“Then what?” I was truly puzzled.

“I just watched the last debate,” he answered grimly.


“And, I want you to move over; I’m with you now.”

Golly, I really hope my teeth are white enough for this up-close contact, but on the other hand, the closet is pretty dark.

I hope you all survive the election season!


© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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