Tag Archives: election

Thank you, God for Election Day

I read somewhere a long time ago that someone in some foreign, unstable place would fix elections by chopping off the index fingers of unlucky voters. Why do this, you may ask? Well, it seems they marked off those who had voted by dipping the forefinger in ink. If you had no forefinger, you could not prove you didn’t already vote, so you couldn’t vote again.

I’m really hopeful this is a made-up story, but it does illustrate the complete ease with which we are allowed to cast our vote and speak our mind in this country. If we can escape all the political hype without being traumatized, we can step into a small, quickly erected, metal framed space with a red, white and blue curtain just covering our behinds and fill in the ovals for the people of our choice.

As I write this, I have indeed made my choices and cast my vote, but I don’t know who has won and you know what? I find it doesn’t matter nearly as much who won as it matters that I was allowed the chance to peacefully join my voice to millions of others.

Of course, there are any number of other reasons to be thankful for election day. One is that I can quit listening to non-stop political ads, and looking at political memes on Facebook filled with so much childish invective that I was hard-pressed to hold the line of silence and I just barely refrained from writing on posts telling me why my choices were stupid, “Oh yeah? Well, your candidate eats their own boogers, so there!”

In addition to that, I survived the polling place. Now, I have to tell you that election polling places scare me. I want a nice, quiet place to do my voting and try and puzzle out what all of those amendments are about. Instead, I have to produce identification to prove I am whom they have already written me down as, then I receive a stamped ballot and I am directed to that line of feebly erected booths.

With the curtain unable to cover my lower body, I must attempt to stand still and not wiggle as I wrestle with Amendments, Law Changes and Initiated Measures. After a few minutes of trying to figure them out, I frequently mark “No” just to get done. I can’t find the one that the politicians are bringing in just to steal my money or the one that was funded by “dark money” (whatever that is) from some super-secret spy place in the heart of the North Pole. 

As for presidential candidates, I so wished they would have had a line marked “Other”! I worked hard to fill in the proper little ovals, but I either didn’t fill it in enough, or I accidentally colored outside the lines. And the reason for this is because the people in the other little metal booths kept moving and shaking the narrow little table!

I did discover, however, that if you grab the whole metal structure and pick it up and holler, “Stop shaking the table!” they will ask you to leave. Apparently this “upsets the other voters,” and “creates an unsafe environment at the polling place.” Some people are so picky! I was done anyway, so it didn’t matter.

Now all that’s left is to sit back, thank God for the chance to vote, and wait for the election results, with both eyes shut and all my fingers crossed.

Happy election day, everyone and I sure hope that Lincoln fella wins! Four more years, Abe!

 

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I miss my commercials…

If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be hanging out in a closet at the back of my house. It’s not a large closet…in fact, it’s small and dark. But it’s quiet and I don’t have to listen to any more political backlash.

I really don’t mind avoiding politics, but I do miss my commercials. After all, if I don’t watch all the non-stop commercials, how will I know how to live?

Roy comes to check on me occasionally, and although he’s concerned about me, I know he doesn’t really understand.

“There’s a debate going on tonight,” he tells me. “Don’t you want to watch?”

“No,” I answer quickly, “But be certain to tell me about the commercials.”

“The commercials?” he was truly puzzled. “What do you need them for?”

“How can I decide what car insurance to buy? How can I determine the best way to determine if my teeth are white enough?” I felt a little frantic, sitting there in that tiny dark space.

“I wasn’t aware that the whiteness of your teeth was keeping you up nights,” he said dryly.

“It isn’t just that,” it frustrates me when he doesn’t understand. “ How will I know which pills to take for my ailments? What about my shoes? Coat? Cool sunglasses? I can’t decide which ones to get unless I have my commercials and I feel like I’m in withdrawal.”

“Then come out and watch your commercials,” Roy withdrew his head from the closet and prepared to leave.

“I can’t do that! If I come out to watch my commercials, I”ll have to listen to all the political stuff and I just can’t stand that…and I don’t know which tranquilizer will be the best. Oh, this is really terrible!”

I buried my distraught face in my kleenix, but I don’t know if this brand is still the softest and best, so that was pretty upsetting as well.

Roy really does try to be encouraging, “If you hear some political programming, you might learn about the issues.”

“Someone is actually talking about the issues?” I asked incredulously, “When did that start?”

I spent some more time in that dark closet worrying about which restaurant will allow me to have the laughing best time and which cereal will give me the best start to the day. I thought a lot about air fresheners (it was stuffy in the closet), and I wasn’t at all confident about which energy system would save me the most money. And worst of all, what if I needed a new vehicle (while sitting in the tiny closet)…where would I go and what would I buy????

Still, I will stay in my closet. It may not be the best solution, but I can’t handle the so-called, “election process” and I think bipartisan cooperation may be something we will only see today in the history books.

The closer we get to the election, the more vicious and unreasoning it becomes; I have irrefutable proof of this. While I was sitting in the closet worrying about how I would use the best bleach and how I would vacuum my rugs (the one I was sitting on was kind of dirty), Roy suddenly opened the door again.

“I don’t want to come out of the closet,” I screeched at him.

“I didn’t come for that,” he answered quietly.

“Then what?” I was truly puzzled.

“I just watched the last debate,” he answered grimly.

“And?”

“And, I want you to move over; I’m with you now.”

Golly, I really hope my teeth are white enough for this up-close contact, but on the other hand, the closet is pretty dark.

I hope you all survive the election season!

 

© Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In the Well, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jackie Wells-Fauth and Drops In The Well with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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